User talk:A.a.ron23
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Late to the party an old 40's tale page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 02:04, March 1, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:07, March 1, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story Starting with the basics, your story was one large wall of text, you need to space out your paragraphs by adding a complete space between them. Even with that, you should still break up your paragraphs some. A typical one is 5-10 sentences. Your first was 20+ sentences long. It makes the story look blocky. There are also a lot of punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues here. I'm sorry, but you really need to proof-read as these are really apparent. Punctuation issues: You forget to put dialogue in quotations. "He had said, “Thank you for answering to my son’s R.S.V.P. If you are one of the guests with the special letter, please hit the 6 button on your cellphone and/or device.(") He stayed". "he said(comma/colon missing) “there is one more catch, if you come in a outfit you might get something extra." You forget to put apostrophes in contractions. "im sorry", "im getting of track.", etc. Capitalization issues: You also forget to capitalize sentences properly. "it.” he (He) then told me", "(T)there is one more catch,", etc. You also forget to capitalize proper nouns. "him, freddy krueger", "im sorry", "im getting of track.", "Nigel slayer is dead", "although i wasn't there". You also tend to put way too many phrases in all-caps. Once can be effective (I think italicizing works better), but you tend to over-use it. (5+ times) Awkward wording: "This letter now shudders me.", "I don't expect you MORTALS to understand the pain, nightmares, and mental torture I felt, if you mortals felt that you would die, in fact looking back on that that's basically what happened. when", etc. You also tend to shift tenses from past to present tense. ("I pick it up and put it on") Story issues cont.: The musings need a lot more fleshing out if you're going to use them. "Clouds, a distance piece of one’s self, and one’s sight." makes little sense without explanation. I would also try to avoid cliches as they tend to produce a weak, generic story. ("The number mysteriously was, 401-666-0060.") You should also really flesh out your story as it feels extremely rushed. Story issues: Is this story being written out or spoken aloud? If it's a verbal narrative, why isn't it in quotations (additionally who is he talking to and why aren't they reacting to what he is?). If it's written, why are actions in parentheticals? "This event was tragic enough, so don’t blame me for leaving a few parts out. (Sigh), alright, let’s begin before I lose myself again." You tend to gloss over descriptive opportunities that might make the story more involving, giving it a very uninteresting style. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop (link above) with your next story as there are a lot of issues present. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:11, March 3, 2016 (UTC) :You need admin approval or to pass the deletion appeal to reupload something (as most authors who are re-submitting tend to overlook a look of problems). That being said, fixing just the mechanical issues will not result in your story being approved as there are a lot of story problems present here that really do not help the overall plot. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:39, March 3, 2016 (UTC) Re: Private Messages You can't send private messages on the wiki. As for including links, you can use this template message or just copy/paste the url. I would advise using pastebin. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop as opposed to revising it yourself as authors sometimes have a tendency to overlook their issues which is why feedback helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:41, April 6, 2016 (UTC) :The WW is a forum for getting feedback. Click that link, then type the title of your story into "Start a discussion" and then paste your story into the larger box beneath it. Make sure to follow the forum rules listed on that link. As for pastebin, that website works basically the same way as posting an article here, it's just a digital text-storing site. I would recommend the WW rather than just going to the deletion appeal for the reasons stated above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:10, April 6, 2016 (UTC)